The Looking Glass
by CHAILYN
Summary: brave. they were like soldiers. but soldiers know that there are no winners in war. a fic about Dean's deal. sam angst. major, major, major, sam angst. bring kleenexx!


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This is a bit dark guys. I'm thinking its quite a bit darker than anything I've done so far..so be warned…you're not gonna be leaving with a mushy happy laughing feeling. **__**Flashbacks. Italics**__**. Complete sam angst. Really, really, insanely hard to write, I wanted to just trash the fic a million times but it wouldn't let me…no pressure on you to review but I do hope you could…I don't think enjoy it is the right word, but are (?)touched(?) by it in some way. Some kind of emotion, not quite yet sure what, all I ask for is you get something out of it. **_

_**If not, man I really suck.

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_**The Looking Glass**_

_**Chailyn

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_Dean left alone, but Sam had expected it from his brother. Always trying to protect him, it was just in Dean's nature. It was the only thing Dean knew but, Sam wasn't going to let him do it this time, he was going to save his brother._

_Even if it killed him._

_The weather was befitting of such a night._

_Dark, cold, the roads were icy. The downpour that accompanied, was a freezing rain, the kind of rain that was so cold it made your skin sting when they come into contact with one another._

_A crescent moon lit the darkness, and the light it gave off gave the night a foreboding, cinematic feel. _

_It almost felt fake._

_Dean could only think of the shrillness of it all as he stood there, his skin burning under the cold rain that poured down around him. He was early, she was late. It wasn't supposed to be that way, was it? He thought with a slightly bitter laugh. Who was early for death?_

"_No one but a Winchester…" She replied appearing in front of him suddenly. "Early Dean?" _

"_Hope its not a problem." Dean said coolly._

"_It wouldn't be--usually." she said, "Now, wherever could Sammy be, I would have figured…after all you've done for him, this big sacrifice, he'd at least be here to shed a few tears and see you off." _

"_None of your damn business." Dean said, "He's not supposed to be here, this is between me and you." _

_She smiled, it was an uncouth and horrible, yet beautiful, smile, her pink lips turning into a big 'O'. "But we still have…ten more minutes." She shook her head, "No, you've earned that time Dean…I wouldn't want to take it from you." _

_The ten minutes weren't necessary . No later had the words left her mouth, and Dean's heart began to race…the Impala came to a screeching halt, no less than a few feet in front of them._

_As soon as Sam jumped from the car, Dean could feel the rare tears beginning to well up behind his eyes. One last time, he pushed the tears away._

"_Sam!" He yelled struggling to be heard over the roaring winds and rain. "Get back in the car, go to the motel! I don't want you here." _

"_I don't care!" Sam yelled back, book and gun in hand. "I can't let you do this Dean." _

_She was nervous. That pain in the ass, he had killed her once and she sure as hell wasn't going to risk such a thing again…climbing out of hell wasn't freaking easy, even for a demon it was difficult._

"_Tell him to put the gun away, Dean, or I swear, I'll break the contract and he's rotting meat again." _

"_Do it." Sam said pointing the gun at her. "Break the deal." _

"_No." she said, indignant, this…this was not supposed to play out this way._

"_If you won't, I will." Sam warned._

"_You can't." She said, grinning now, there was nothing he could do…she didn't even think that gun was the Colt._

"_Sam! Stop it." Dean pleaded, "Please, I'm begging you. Don't do this, don't. Just don't. I made my deal…just let it be." _

"_I…I can't." Sam said, his eyes filled with tears._

_It was a sight that Dean had just noticed, and he was sorry, he was so sorry. He knew what he was doing was ripping Sam apart inside but…he'd move on, he had to. Sam had to live, and he had to go. That was just the way it had to be. He couldn't let Sam die. It was his job…_was _his job._

"_I'm sorry Dean." _

_The clock was ticking, they all knew it, there wasn't more than mere minutes left._

_Sam turned the gun to his head._

"_Sam!" Dean screamed. No, no this wasn't how it was supposed to go. Sam couldn't, he couldn't live with his little brother dead. Sam was his entire reason for living didn't he understand that?_

"_I'm sorry." His voice was barely above a whisper, but Dean could hear him as clearly as if he was screaming. "Dean, I'm sorry but this is the only way. I can't be the cause of your death. It'll be right this way. You never should of made the deal…I should have stayed dead. Everything will be right." _

_This is fascinating, she thought, so much better than she had thought it could possibly be. It was going to be a win-win situation for her either way. The boss wanted both of them, and clearly, he was going to get one or the other tonight. "Quite right." She said, "You're right Sammy, you pull that trigger and…poof, contract's broken and Dean gets to live a nice _long _life." _

"_I'm sorry Dean." Sam cried, dropping the book to the ground. "I'm so sorry."_

_Dean ran at his brother, not knowing, not thinking, all he knew was that this couldn't happen, that it couldn't be happening. _

_None of this was supposed to happen._

_Dean tackled his brother just as he pulled the trigger. As they fell to the ground, you could hear the running and growling of the hell hounds._

_A pool of blood surrounded them, drenching the Bible that Sam had brought along, teh one thet he had been so sure contained the answer to it all._

_Sam opened his eyes to see the spark leaving his brother's own hazel eyes. Blood pooled out from his chest._

"_Dean!" Sam screamed, "No. No. Oh, god, no. Dean!" Sam pulled his brother into his arms, a mirror image of his brother exactly a year ago. "No. Dean…" his tears fell freely, what had he done? "Dean, please don't leave me." _

_He'd killed his brother._

"_Dean…please…" Sam buried his head on his brothers shoulder wetting the rain and blood soaked leather jacket with tears of fear and desperation. "Please don't leave me…" he begged._

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Once Dean was gone, what else did he have left?

Dean had told him that he was stronger, but he wasn't. He didn't know how to be that strong. He didn't know what to do without his brother.

Dean wanted him to keep hunting, but how could he? It couldn't be the same without Dean, and it scared him that maybe, now that all he had left was anger and a wish for vengeance…he'd become what Dean had fought so hard for him not to become, what he'd always worried he might become.

Shortly after the hounds pulled Dean into hell, after he'd killed his brother, the visions came back. Without Dean, he didn't know what to do about them. Perhaps they were his punishment for what he'd done.

He'd realized that Dean had been right. All they had was each other. He hated himself for all those years that he could have had with his brother and father that he'd thrown away by going to Stanford. He had nothing else left, he'd truly lost everyone that he'd ever cared about.

Sam saw himself turning into the demon that they had all prophesied he'd turn into. Nothing scared him as much as that, except for the thought of what Dean would say. His brother always had so much faith in him…Sam would rather do anything than fail him. Dean had done everything he could to protect him and now Sam had no idea how to protect himself from…himself.

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_**I cried while writing this..never done that before. **_


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